The Four Agreements (Angela Austin)-2nd Study

The Second Agreement - Don't Take Anything Personally


The foundation of the four agreements is to be aware. Be aware that everyone is living in their own dream. Be aware of our own thoughts. Be aware of the judge and victim inside of us. And most importantly be aware of the past agreements we’ve made with ourselves and make sure they still apply.

What are some definitions of the word dream?

What are your dreams?

A dream in The Four Agreements is the framework each of uses to view the world. I think understanding that everyone is in their own dream or their own reality is important in mastering the second agreement of this book, DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. Explained in The Four Agreements as: “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. ”

In the book it says: “Humans are dreaming all the time. Before we were born the humans before us created a big outside dream that we will call society’s dream or the dream of the plant. The dream of the planet is the collective dream of billions of smaller, personal dreams, which together create a dream of a community, a dream of a city, a dream of a country, and finally a dream of the whole humanity. The dream of the planet includes all of society’s rules, its beliefs, its laws, its religions, its different cultures and ways to be, its governments, schools, social events, and holidays.”

Can you think of any specific “collective dreams?”

What are some of your personal dreams that you would like to be “dreams of the planet” or society’s dream?

How could we make that happen? Do you feel like it’s possible?

We obviously don’t all have the same dreams or even agree on what those collective dreams should be, but it doesn’t make the other dreams wrong or something we should change. It can become harder to ignore or tolerate when someone tries to make you live in their dream. But again, their dreams have little to do with us personally.

In The Four Agreements it also explains: “When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong. You also try hard to be right by giving them your own opinions. In the same way, whatever you feel and do is just a projection of your own personal dream, a reflection of your own agreements. What you say, what you do, and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made – and these opinions have nothing to do with me.”

What are some of the things you take personally?

Do you know anyone who takes things personally and is constantly defending their own beliefs to the point of creating conflicts?

How do you feel when you’re on the receiving end of that person’s actions?

How should we respond? How does our faith help us do that?

How would you not take something personally when it’s a direct attack on you?

Here’s another way of looking at taking things personally as stated in the book: “Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me.” During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me, always me!”

After reading that statement and thinking about our discussion, does the passage below speak to you differently than the times you’ve read it before?

Luke 6:27-31 = Jesus teaches about loving enemies
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.

If we focus on ourselves and take things personally, it will keep us from being sensitive to our brothers’ and sisters’ needs. Rather than focus inward, we will have a healthier spiritual life if our focus is on God, and we are able to concentrate on “pressing on toward the goal.”

Philippians 3

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Perhaps God has a bigger “dream” for each of us personally, and for the world. And if we’re not spiritually focused we’re likely to miss it.

God can strengthen us when we are tempted to take things personally, and God can work within us to magnify our contribution to the world. As long as our focus is in the right place, God’s dream is realized.

The Four Agreements (Angela Austin)

The First Agreement - Be Impeccable With Your Word

Have you ever felt like you’re living someone else’s life? Or maybe living a life that someone else has told you should…whether it be work, relationship or personal endeavors?

When you were younger…were you ever told “You can’t play with dolls because you’re a boy or you can’t play with match box cars because you’re a girl, or any other roles?

Whether it was by a parent, sibling, or peer, were you told you couldn’t do something, you have this personality, you have that characteristic or aptitude?

These are all examples of agreements we’ve accepted either currently or at some point in our lives. There are some agreements that we may have reevaluated and decided that it is indeed the right fit or that it’s not for us. Such as: Being Republican because our parents said we were or being Methodist or Catholic because we grew up in that church.

The first part of this book, the foundation of the four agreements, is to be aware. Be aware that everyone is living in their own dream. Be aware of our own thoughts. Be aware of the judge and victim inside of us. And most importantly be aware of the past agreements we’ve made with ourselves and make sure they still apply.



The first agreement is to BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.
Directly from the Four Agreements: “Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

Another excerpt from the book describing the importance of your word:
“Why your word? Your word is the power that you have to create. Your word is the gift that comes directly from God. The Gospel of John in the Bible, speaking of the creation of the universe, says, “In the beginning there was the word, and the word was with God, and the word is God.” Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.”

Are you aware of your thoughts to the point that you have control of them or do they have control of you?

Do you agree with everything you think?

Where do your thoughts come from…You, God, others?

Does your word inspire or discourage you or others?

The following are examples from the Bible of the importance of being impeccable with your word.

Matthew 12:33-37
Jesus said to the Pharisees and teachers of the law:
33"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Ephesians 5:4
4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.


Closing thoughts:
Impeccable means without sin or perfect. We all have ideas of perfection for ourselves and others whether we put those ideas in place or not and we will never put live up to those expectations. But we should begin to turn our attention to truth and love by accepting and respecting ourselves and others just the way we are with words of love and praise. Only one was perfect and that was Jesus. Jesus was truth and love. If you let Jesus infiltrate every part of you, your word will be nearer to impeccable.