The Four Agreements (Angela Austin)-3rd Study
Bible Study with The Four Agreements
By Don Miguel Ruiz
The foundation of The Four Agreements is to be aware. Be aware that everyone is living in their own dream. Be aware of our own thoughts. Be aware of the judge and victim inside of us. And most importantly be aware of the past agreements we’ve made with ourselves and make sure they still apply.
Have you ever thought…”If he/she really loves me, they should know what I want or how I feel.” Or “My love will change them.”
The third agreement is, DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. When we make assumptions, it can actually change the meaning of a situation because it changes how we perceive it. For example, if we assume that someone is upset with us we may avoid them or be hesitant in our interactions with them. They may not be upset with us, but our assumption changes the dynamic anyway.
An example of this in the Bible:
1 Chronicles 19:2-3 (New International Version)
2 David thought, "I will show kindness to Hanun son of Nahash, because his father showed kindness to me." So David sent a delegation to express his sympathy to Hanun concerning his father. When David's men came to Hanun in the land of the Ammonites to express sympathy to him, 3 the Ammonite nobles said to Hanun, "Do you think David is honoring your father by sending men to you to express sympathy? Haven't his men come to you to explore and spy out the country and overthrow it?"
What are some assumptions you’ve made?
How did those assumptions affect the situation?
The book states: “We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make.”
The Four Agreements describes a cure for assumptions as: “Finding the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. ”
Do you agree with the following statement from the book?
“Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable. If all humans could communicate in this way, with impeccability of word, there would be no wars, no violence, no misunderstandings. All human problems would be resolved if we could just have good, clear communication.”
Why do you make assumptions?
Do others make assumptions about you? If so, what are they?
How do those assumptions make you feel?
Don Miguel Ruiz says: “It is very interesting how the human mind works. We have the need to justify everything, to explain and understand everything, in order to feel safe. We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things that the reasoning mind cannot explain. It is not important if the answer is correct; just the answer itself makes us feel safe. This is why we make assumptions.”
What are some questions you ask yourself that you do not have answers to?
Do you have any examples of times you’ve made up answers to your questions and they’ve made you feel better? Have they back fired?
Is it hard for you to ask for what you want, or for the answers to your questions? What stops you from asking them?
Do you think God wants us to have all the answers?
Jude 1:10, Beware of those who claim to have all the answers
10Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals—these are the very things that destroy them.
When you have all those questions running around in your head like: “Did I do something wrong?,” “Why does he/she treat me that way?,” or “Why is this happening to me?;” think of the story of Job.
Job 1:1
1 In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.
Job asked all those questions and more. Yet he didn’t make assumptions or curse God. He came to the conclusion that he wasn’t meant to have the answers and would have to live his life with that realization. Only then would his faith fully develop.
In what ways will your faith be stronger if you don’t make assumptions?
When we don’t make assumptions, it may feel like we’re out on a limb because it forces us to rely on God’s strength rather than on the assumptions themselves. For example, if we make the assumption that God doesn’t love us as much because we’re gay (consciously or subconsciously), that assumption becomes the thing we rely on. When we remove the assumption and accept God’s unconditional love, it takes a whole lot more faith. It may feel shaky. But that’s faith. Faith requires us to step out of our comfort zone and trust God no matter what.
“The opposite of faith is not doubt. It is absolute certainty.” ~ Rev. Michael Piazza
The directions on this journey of faith may never be written out for us, and that’s okay. We can’t “mapquest” God. But we can study, pray, and try not to make assumptions as we learn how to draw nearer to God. The power of God’s truth may not be fully revealed with assumptions in the way. Assumptions are clutter. But once the human tendency to assume is removed, God has a lot more room to work.
“Dear God, please help us remove those things which keep us from seeing you clearly, and help us construct a new framework for our faith. Please use that framework to reveal Your truth. Amen.”
By Don Miguel Ruiz
The foundation of The Four Agreements is to be aware. Be aware that everyone is living in their own dream. Be aware of our own thoughts. Be aware of the judge and victim inside of us. And most importantly be aware of the past agreements we’ve made with ourselves and make sure they still apply.
Have you ever thought…”If he/she really loves me, they should know what I want or how I feel.” Or “My love will change them.”
The third agreement is, DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. When we make assumptions, it can actually change the meaning of a situation because it changes how we perceive it. For example, if we assume that someone is upset with us we may avoid them or be hesitant in our interactions with them. They may not be upset with us, but our assumption changes the dynamic anyway.
An example of this in the Bible:
1 Chronicles 19:2-3 (New International Version)
2 David thought, "I will show kindness to Hanun son of Nahash, because his father showed kindness to me." So David sent a delegation to express his sympathy to Hanun concerning his father. When David's men came to Hanun in the land of the Ammonites to express sympathy to him, 3 the Ammonite nobles said to Hanun, "Do you think David is honoring your father by sending men to you to express sympathy? Haven't his men come to you to explore and spy out the country and overthrow it?"
What are some assumptions you’ve made?
How did those assumptions affect the situation?
The book states: “We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make.”
The Four Agreements describes a cure for assumptions as: “Finding the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. ”
Do you agree with the following statement from the book?
“Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable. If all humans could communicate in this way, with impeccability of word, there would be no wars, no violence, no misunderstandings. All human problems would be resolved if we could just have good, clear communication.”
Why do you make assumptions?
Do others make assumptions about you? If so, what are they?
How do those assumptions make you feel?
Don Miguel Ruiz says: “It is very interesting how the human mind works. We have the need to justify everything, to explain and understand everything, in order to feel safe. We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things that the reasoning mind cannot explain. It is not important if the answer is correct; just the answer itself makes us feel safe. This is why we make assumptions.”
What are some questions you ask yourself that you do not have answers to?
Do you have any examples of times you’ve made up answers to your questions and they’ve made you feel better? Have they back fired?
Is it hard for you to ask for what you want, or for the answers to your questions? What stops you from asking them?
Do you think God wants us to have all the answers?
Jude 1:10, Beware of those who claim to have all the answers
10Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals—these are the very things that destroy them.
When you have all those questions running around in your head like: “Did I do something wrong?,” “Why does he/she treat me that way?,” or “Why is this happening to me?;” think of the story of Job.
Job 1:1
1 In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.
Job asked all those questions and more. Yet he didn’t make assumptions or curse God. He came to the conclusion that he wasn’t meant to have the answers and would have to live his life with that realization. Only then would his faith fully develop.
In what ways will your faith be stronger if you don’t make assumptions?
When we don’t make assumptions, it may feel like we’re out on a limb because it forces us to rely on God’s strength rather than on the assumptions themselves. For example, if we make the assumption that God doesn’t love us as much because we’re gay (consciously or subconsciously), that assumption becomes the thing we rely on. When we remove the assumption and accept God’s unconditional love, it takes a whole lot more faith. It may feel shaky. But that’s faith. Faith requires us to step out of our comfort zone and trust God no matter what.
“The opposite of faith is not doubt. It is absolute certainty.” ~ Rev. Michael Piazza
The directions on this journey of faith may never be written out for us, and that’s okay. We can’t “mapquest” God. But we can study, pray, and try not to make assumptions as we learn how to draw nearer to God. The power of God’s truth may not be fully revealed with assumptions in the way. Assumptions are clutter. But once the human tendency to assume is removed, God has a lot more room to work.
“Dear God, please help us remove those things which keep us from seeing you clearly, and help us construct a new framework for our faith. Please use that framework to reveal Your truth. Amen.”
posted by Jen Austin at 1:32 PM
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